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Offering seats to pregnant women?

Discussion in 'Day to day etiquette issues' started by skye, 5 Jul 2018.

  1. skye

    skye Member

    This was in the paper yesterday: Tube passengers ignore 'heavily pregnant' woman and leave her standing | Metro News

    I am in two minds because she seems to be objecting that she has to ask for a seat, which contradicts current etiquette that you make no assumptions about anyone. If she asks for a seat and says she is pregnant then people should give up a seat, but otherwise I don't see they are doing anything wrong?
     
  2. tirial

    tirial IT fixer extraordinaire

    I saw that. My first thought was not that she was pregnant, it was that she had a pillow stuffed up there.

    My other problem with this is that she says people do not offer seats unless a mother-to-be is showing. Well, how else are they going to know she is pregnant? Expecting people to be psychic never works out well. If she is expecting people to just give up seats because a woman is standing, I prefer equality over all the baggage that brings.
     
  3. penumbra

    penumbra Member

    That looks fake. She shouldn't have worn such a tight t-shirt. It shows off the oddities.

    "Only two per cent believe you should offer up your seat when a woman is within her first 12 weeks of pregnancy."

    Like tirial said, you wouldn't know it if they aren't showing. I don't know anyone who showed during their first trimester. It only becomes very obvious that a woman is pregnant in their third trimester, I think. Before that, you're probably thinking, "It could be pregnancy or something else. It's safest not to assume."

    I agree that if she said she was pregnant and asked for a seat that giving up your seat would definitely be the right thing to do. However, if she doesn't say anything then I don't think she can blame others. Expecting to get what you want without asking for it is a ridiculous notion.

    In that first photo, there's that semi-seat in the back that she's not using. Maybe people assumed she wanted to stand.
     
  4. Kindler

    Kindler Active Member

    I had this happen to me the other day. Was sat on a train and looked round to find myself face to belly.

    Looked up and asked the lady of she wanted a seat, but she declined as she was getting off at the next stop.

    Also, who takes preference, a pregnant lady or a disabled person?
     
  5. Reader

    Reader Vile Critic

    Is not the whole point to give up seats to those less able to stand? If a women is visibly showing, or having obvious balance problems, this is the case. If she is not obviously impaired, or merely feeling ill, then she should ask. Anyone with a similar invisible disability has to.
     
  6. Zelda

    Zelda Member

    I would like to see this test done by a woman who is actually pregnant. Regardless, I think you should always offer your seat to someone who is visibly pregnant or disabled.

    @Kindler, I would probably give it to someone who was disabled over someone who was pregnant. I don't know if that's the "right" answer or not.

    At the end of the day, it's ridiculous for her to expect people to give up their seats to women in their first trimester. It's not visible and they will not be able to tell without her telling them. Finally, we don't know how many of these people who are sitting down suffer from some kind of physical disability.
     
  7. jessica

    jessica Active Member

    I read the article. Under their etiquette suggestions it says:
    "Moving into the window seat so someone can sit in the aisle seat"
    o_OThat goes against every safety tip for women travellers:confused:. Yeah, it's rude not to let someone get passed you into the window seat, but letting them trap you there:mad:!?!
     
  8. PageTurner

    PageTurner Member

    Something tells me that a lot of guys make up the 40.4 percent who voted for that one. It goes against safety tips and there are a lot of reasons why it wouldn't be ideal. For one, if you know you're getting off at the next stop, why would you slide into the window seat for someone who just got on? You're about to leave!
     
  9. Terry

    Terry Member

    Here's one following on from this: what about giving a seat up for a mother and young child?

    Same sort of situation, only I'm sat down on a packed train and a mother, with what I'm guessing is a four or five year old child, is standing in the aisle. I offered my seat but she just straight declined and moved a bit further down the aisle with the kid as more people got on.

    She almost seemed offended I had even offered the seat in the first place. :(
     
  10. Kindler

    Kindler Active Member

    Given it was Southern Rail, she probably just wanted the same as the rest of us: to be able to get home safely with only a fifteen minute delay at the most and nothing serious happening.
     
  11. Gemini

    Gemini Member

    I guess she might not have found the idea of having her child sit on her lap or having any degree of separation between her and her child appealing. It's a crazy world. I don't think there's any reason for her to be offended though. It's a polite gesture.
     
  12. tirial

    tirial IT fixer extraordinaire

    I'd say you did the right thing and she did not. That's not just a courtesy to her. On a packed train, if she can sit down with the child on her lap, that's much less space taken up for other travellers, and she's possibly the one being inconsiderate by not sitting down. Some seats actually have a logo showing a person sitting with a child on their lap to encourage this.
     
  13. Jackie

    Jackie Member

    I don't really have comparable public transport where I live so I had no idea that they encouraged people to sit with their child on their lap. That makes sense. It could also explain why the woman reacted like she was offended. She could've thought you were calling her out.
     
  14. jessica

    jessica Active Member

    That just wrong:(. If someone is being polite, being offended by it means there's someone wrong with you:confused:.

    Assuming its not passive aggressive polite, like holding a door for someone two hundred yards away so they have to run:(, or expecting that offering a seat means a dateo_O, or leering blatantly while you tell someone what a nice day it is:mad:, or telling someone they look nice followed by demanding a date::sick::, or pulling someone's bag off them by force to carry it:eek:...
     
  15. Pattycake

    Pattycake Member

    I think someone has had issues... ::unsure::
     
  16. Cece

    Cece New Member

    I'm all for giving up seats for pregnant women but I don't really like some of the implications in this article.

    I feel like I would find it more impolite for a pregnant woman to stare at me, trying to catch my eye, so that I can offer her my seat, rather than her just coming up and asking for it. Sure, it might be uncomfortable for her, but she'd be the one who ends up with the comfort of a seat. I think people rely too much on other people offering them what they want, even when they haven't asked for it. In most situations in life, you have to ask to get what you want. She didn't even bother to put a badge on as far as I can tell.

    That being said, I think it's impolite not to offer up your seat if you see a woman who is that pregnant and uncomfortable (assuming you're in good physical condition yourself).
     
  17. Angel

    Angel Munificent Critic

    I will be honest but it is one of the few times that I find the TFL "Baby on Board" badge to be actually useful and I know a lot of people respond to it around London, especially as it is free for expectant mothers.

    One of the few things TFL has got right over the years.
     
  18. Kindler

    Kindler Active Member

    Saw exactly this happen the other day. Was sat in a carriage, guy looked straight over my shoulder and offered his seat to someone. Next thing I knew he had moved and a lady with one of those badges sat down for the journey. She didn't look that pregnant, but she was definitely grateful.
     

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