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Subversion, deception and illusion. Stealthily attacked by someone hidden. Forced to suffocate in an interconnecting spider’s web of connections that harass, psychologically torment to tear your mind and soul apart. They move in as neighbours, surrounding you to gas light your environment. Whispering words just audible yet not audible to your ears to make you question your sanity.
Strangers collide and collaborate to publicly shame, ridicule and humiliate you using the ugly contorted expressions on their face to mock you with unprovoked disgust in the tone of their voice. Serious invasion of mind and privacy of home. No walls or alarms to keep out a psychic spy. Soul attacked. Mind attacked. Beliefs attacked. Heart attacked. Pecked, pummelled and putrified. Silent screams of pain and helplessness penetrate the air like sonar waves. No where to go. No where to hide. Nowhere to self protect. Crucified and persecuted.
Silence made visible by the ink soaking the pages before me. Poem after poem cascades form Charmaine’s angst. The healing touch of melody sought to be heard in the few chosen words of her poems. The words rocking her world like a mother of a newborn rocking her crying child to sleep.
Life was a life and death situation. Charmaine was either going to give in and give up to the enemy and curl up and die a broken soul. Or, Charmaine was going to choose the path to keep fighting for her life and nurse herself back to life and gratitude. I learnt to become the mother that was yet to be born. An even more gentler heart was grown to seek more beauty, harmony and love. Sharing and communicating was now even more important.
I learnt while my mind and soul had been raped and stood upon by a stranger, leaving a deep open wound, the environment was no longer the avenue to healing. The way back was through the little everyday decisions I was going to make.
What I learnt, was not all people are safe or trustworthy.
Helpless and abandoned, the enemy forced me to lead my life blindly. Relying on my intuition as I had no else to speak with and could no longer concentrate to read to find my answers. Trust yourself first and foremeost. Trust your intuition.
The psychic spy and tormenter forced me into solitary confinement which only deepened my reverie for life and nature.
I learnt that while I had lost all that I had, I was now even more determined to be successful and proud of my life.
And I finally “get it” that saying NO is highly necessary and constructive as saying YES. No matter what age you are now, begin to get clear on YOU, the inner you, the private you, the you before everyone else was telling you who you were. Just be YOU! Imperfect yet lovable YOU!
