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HI! My name is Kimberly Johnson…nice to meet you! I have battled depression in the “happiest” times of my life. OR what was perceived to be the happiest times…to me it was not. I would wish for a cloudy day or a thunderstorm (not because I liked thunderstorms, but because I would not want to go outside, I didn’t want to pretend that I was okay). Joy was elusive, hidden. It would poke it’s happy little head out just to remind me of what I didn’t have. To the outside world, family and friends, my life was great! To me, I was drowning. Why was I drowning? You may be asking yourself the same questions. Why do I feel this way? Honestly, I couldn’t find the pinpoint answer of why, I just knew how I felt and it wasn’t happy. I have a great family, a home, a car, food, friends…all the things that “make up” a happy life are there. The only thing missing was the HAPPY part.
I would put on my best smile to go out to face the world, and I did cover up the sadness. I got so wrapped up in my “act” that when I got back home and closed the front door, I took my happy off like a coat. I hung it in the closet for the next time I had to leave my house. Does this sound like how you are feeling? It is no fun and it is real. See, I didn’t have time to slow down. I have four kiddos and they are crazy busy. I homeschool the kids, I have a husband, I have a house to maintain (I mean, I do have to feed the kids and they do like baths on occasion …I am kidding) So, like you, I didn’t have the time to work about how I “felt”. Once I finally hit bottom, I opened up to a dear friend. She said, “Kimberly, there is more to life than just surviving…you are just surviving…you have to thrive, you have to live!” WOWZA!!!! Smack. That hit me right between the eyes. I have been surviving, I went through all of the motions but I didn’t enjoy them. I woke up everyday and checked every box, kid’s breakfast (check), kid’s dressed (check), me breakfast (nope), me dressed (does pajama pants count…nope), did I even brush my hair today??? (I don’t know ). See no living, this was like walking though peanut butter. EEEKKKs. So, are you relating to me in any way? Are walking through peanut butter wearing concrete blocks for shoes? If so, we need to spend some more time together. Because I can tell you, there is sunshine after the darkness we are living in. I am proof of that. I had to make a choice, I had to find ways to pull myself out of the peanut butter, to get my mind out of the fog, and to run after the sunshine. See Friend, (can I call you my friend?) You have a life, you have a story and it is important. Weather you realize this or not, each day we live, we influence and we make a difference to people. Did you smile at someone today with your “happy coat” or “happy pants” on? That smile could have made their day…see, you matter. I found myself checking the box without getting the benefit of feeling the “happy”. That has since changed for me, just like it can change for you! I know you are thinking, “no way, this is me and this is how I will feel. You don’t know my story!” Guess what?! You are right, I don’t know your story. But neither will anyone if you keep it to yourself. How many people could you help with what you have experienced or what you go through? A simple smile goes a long way! Are you hiding your beautiful smile? (if you are a guy reading this….your smile is beautiful too!!!) Try it, SMILE at someone! It feels so weird at first and very unnatural but it is so refreshing to get a smile back. You may even want to say “hello, how are you?” WHOA! Something so simple can change your life and theirs!
I have put together a small book with the things I have done to maybe help you get out of the fog and move toward the sunshine. These things helped me so much. They are simple and they don’t cost money. They only take you understanding that you are so much more than a ball of sadnes
