Foiled

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Foiled: Novella

Last Free Dates: 4th Dec 16 to 8th Dec 16
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...Thank you for brightening up my morning with a very unfortunate phrase. Now, please, please, get a proof-reader. ...

Rajash is a detective/secret-agent off on his next mission for the Indian government. For readers familiar with British texts, think an Indian James Bond: action adventure with a girl in every port.

And I will confess up front I didn’t finish this. I didn’t get passed chapter 5.

I don’t want to go on about the writing, but suffice it to say a proofer, not an editor is needed. The author’s English is much better than my Urdu, but…

The writing style is unusual with very short staccato sentences that don’t also follow logically. I actually found it difficult to get into the story because there isn’t a natural flow from one sentence to the next. The speech punctuation is odd, with speech included in the body of paragraphs rather than starting on a new line no matter who is speaking. Some sections are oddly phrased, for example with the word “the” omitted or commas in the wrong place to create a whole new meaning. For example on the first page: “He opened a soda bottle with the opener and poured in a whisky glass to the brim.” It took me a moment to re-parse the sentence and realise he wasn’t pouring the whisky glass into the bottle. Also, expect repetition – if something can be said in one sentence, why not say it slightly differently in the following two? – and tenses shifting from past to present and vice versa.

…as I said I will confess I didn’t finish this. I was laughing too hard. During a confrontation with a customs agent it is important to note that “a slip of the tongue” does not mean the same as “almost slipped his tongue”.

This is not an endorsement of the book, but thank you for brightening up my morning.

Now, please, please, get a proof-reader.

Rating: DNF
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